I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My life is pants optional.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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