Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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