Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
