All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
