eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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