It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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