I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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