Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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