Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he fucked my hip out of place.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
