You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
