you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
