I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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