don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
