i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
