You really coming over, don't trick.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
