These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
