he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
