I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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