she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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