And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
