I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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