You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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