we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
