found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
