I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Randomize
