"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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