so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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