Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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