Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
