i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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