So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
