i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
