We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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