What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
