i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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