There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
