Your face is a jimmy john
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Randomize
