you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
