a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
