DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
