His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
