Sorry, I don't speak sober.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
