it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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