She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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