We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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