Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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