On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
