i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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