i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
