sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
