it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
