found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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