WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
