I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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