1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
