Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
