If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Damn victory sex feels great
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