All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
