R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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