he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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