i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
