I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
