I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
