Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
