Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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