I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
