yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
