Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
