I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
