I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Damn victory sex feels great
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
