i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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