he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I AM VODKA MAN
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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