that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
