wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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