just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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