I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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