Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize