weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
